Hey! You stole my cheese stick, Bitch!

It was so depressing to see the Jets and the Vikings go down this past weekend. I do like Peyton Manning and will be rooting for the Colts in the Superbowl, but I really wanted to see Rex, Mark and Shonn go to the big game. During the game my girlfriend actually yelled, "Fuck Peyton Manning!" Which to me is the same as saying, "Fuck puppies!" I hope the Saints get their asses whooped. I do not like Drew Brees at all. Maybe its something about that thing on the right side of his face that is off-putting to me.
I am trying to loose some weight, so today I tried this cleansing thing where you drink a liter of salt water. I threw some of it up, as it tasted like the devil's knuckle children. Then an hour later I'm sitting on the can doing my own impersonation of Niagra Falls. I also ate an apple today, so that means I can buy a pack of smokes.

© Eric Moore - 2010

Hyperbole: The Single Greatest Word of All Time?

There is an iconic scene in the Godfather in which Hollywood studio head Jack Woltz finds the severed head of his prize horse resting in bed with him. This famous scene has been playing in my head a lot lately, because in the apartment below where I live there is this little ankle-biter excuse for a dog that barks constantly in the morning. I don't need an alarm clock when I have this dog living below me, as it's daily yapping sessions are like, well, clockwork. Every morning at seven I awake to YEP...YEP...YEP...YEP... ... ...YEP. And when my eyes first open I am usually in that dreamy state between homicidal mania and tired apathy, but the sound of this fucking dog does something to me, like each bark is some kind of injection of pure liquid hatred. It takes everything I have in me, every fiber of my being to not go Mike Vick (seriously?) on this pooch. After fantasizing about all the Jason Vorhees methods of getting rid of this dog, I always end up swallowing my anger like the vinegar my mother used to feed me when I was bad, and go out and sleep on the couch. I am a bedtime slave to this dog. A dog that is not mine. A dog I have never seen.

The band I am currently listening to is Dr. Dog.

© Eric Moore - 2010